Letting Go and Goodbye

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. It is Friday and I will be meeting with Dr John J. Gualtieri for the last time. It probably seems strange that I would put a picture of my cat, Cashew, for this entry but she is my comfort now and he has been that for almost 18 years. Oh the changes I've seen.............most definately in myself.

Back then, my Sister, Elinor, said I was in a house and someday, I would open the door and come out and play. And she was right.....I did.

I was talking to my friend, Lynn, tonight after our Bible study and we always make prayer requests for the upcoming week. The only thing on my mind was tomorrow. We both asked God to grant me some ease for the pain of having to say goodbye to someone I owe so much. His probing questions, slowly but surely digging away at all the baggage I have carried around most of my life, were not always easy to listen to but I always thought about them. Eventually, I would answer but sometimes it would take a long time.

I have learn a great deal about myself. I've learn to be aware of things that trigger me. I've learned to accept compliments and to forgive myself for some things. I have also learned to forgive and accept as well as appreciate my parents for their roles in my life. I have learned that though I am not a big success, I am not a total failure. Actually, I am not a failure at all. I have a lot of good qualities that have seen me through a lot of stuff. I have actually done some things that I never thought I would do and I have done them well. I went back to school not once but twice and got good grades both times. I was the President of the Golden Girls Softball Organization for 2 years and they actually survived and still going strong. I started the Curves Camera Crew and they have almost tripled in membership. (We started with three and now we are eight.) I've held my first photo exhibit and actually sold six photos. And most important, I am leaving all I have known for 38 years and moving clear across country to a place where I really only know about 6 people(and they are all family).

For a lady who has hated and has feared changes all her life, this is positively amazing. And all this comes from talking to a guy with graying mustache, glasses, a kindly smile, a twinkle in his eye, who won't tell me when in August his birthday is, who is often late for our appointment and who has NEVER charged me more then when we first met 18 years ago.

Thank you, JJ. Thank you for my new life. Thank you from my heart.